Oh my I have done what I promised myself I wouldn't do. I disappeared for a few weeks. And I apologize to you and to myself. This is no way to run a blog! So I will do a little catch up and tell you what is on my mind and be better at staying current.
I want to talk for just a teeny bit about what we deserve in life. I'm one of those girls who has waited for the World/Universe/People I know to give me what my heart aches for. Love, acceptance, encouragement and comfort. I'm also one of those girls who never really felt that those things are mine to count on because I haven't been given enough permission to claim them as my own. It makes it hard to be totally comfortable in my own skin although I am probably 200 times better at it now than in my younger years, I still struggle with it. Because it is hard for me to say to my own self. I deserve love, I deserve acceptance, I deserve encouragement and I deserve comfort. The thing I've been
overthinking thinking about is learning to tell my self that I am deserving of all those things and more. That I deserve the best in life, that I am beautiful no matter the shape of my bottom and that I can be happy because I deserve it. Simply being here, being myself is good enough and the only one who can give me permission to accept all that is me. I love big, I deserve big love. I encourage and in return I am worthy of encouragement. All good things are mine to grab onto but I need to stop standing back waiting to be noticed and offered the good things. Good things come to those who claim them without hesitation. And I've been working on that. Which is why I've been quiet, I am facing down my own demons on this one sweet friends. There will never be enough to fill my cup until I start to fill it myself.
This is all part of that 100 better days thing I spoke of in my last blog about a
month/ hundred years ago..... I have to make a conscious choice every moment to treat myself with kindness and love that I can give to anyone else but not myself. So my simple mantra to me ...YOU DESERVE THE BEST. I LOVE you no matter what....... Maybe that sounds simple and silly but it's been a journey and a bumpy, twisty turny, cry in the middle of the night kind of journey, self acceptance and love. No longer waiting for the World/Universe/People I know to fill up that part of me that has waited for all those best things, breaking down the walls of untruths I tell myself that don't feed the good things. Grabbing them for myself because I deserve them. You all deserve them and I hope that you already knew it before I rambled on about it but if you didn't, now is the time to believe You deserve the best of everything. You deserve love...
"
I want you to know, that you deserve the best. You're beautiful."
~Lil Wayne~
.... Lastly...It's October, OH HOW I LOVE OCTOBER!!! The weather where I live has shifted a bit, the nights are cool and although the days are still warm, the promise of cooler fall weather is whispering in my ear. I got myself a new orange mug this morning, to celebrate the time of year when I feel the most alive and creative. And truly if I was a color, I would be orange. Firey and demanding but warm and loving too. It used to be said that Orange didn't go with Red or Pink or even Aqua...but I think orange goes with everything, she compliments more than she clashes..... And orange deserves some love....We all deserve the best. Thank you Lil Wayne.
With Love
Barbara
