I called you together, I spoke your name and dreamed for and about you. I wrote of all the things we would do together, I imagined the sharing and exchanging of gifts, good books and summer wishes. I thought I was going to be present and summer the summer away with all of you. I gathered supplies, and Pinned a bunch of good things to share. I borrowed a couple of books and made some big plans for beach time, good stories, blog posts and everything I was craving and wanted to give to you. And I meant it when I said it. But then.....something happened. I have to back track a teeny bit to explain and please stay with me for a bit.
I've spent a few years being broken. Because truth could not hide anymore. I had to face a whole lot of hard stuff and it's been good work, good hard work, good hard painful work. Walking on shards of glass in a hailstorm and earthquake kind of work. Truth and learning what it means. Shame and guilt inventories were taken and I wore all of that like an itchy sweater for a long time.... In December I realized that the breaking was over and it was time for the unbreaking..I'll write about that stuff later.... So when summer was approaching and I felt the call of the memories of the easy way summer has of laying on my heart, I let myself fall into it just a bit. Summer Girl was created from that place...and you all jumped in and responded and I knew I wasn't the only one needing some respite and peace...
I created a soft place for myself, I read books, I spent time with my sons, invested in my own health and took a few short trips to be with family and long time friends. I went to a baseball game, a party with friends of 40 plus years, a birthday for my youngest grandchild which meant that all my children, their loved ones and babies and I were in one place for even a few hours. I watched my oldest son get his masters . I watched movies, I knitted, I embroidered and I was still. I went to the gym and started eating better. .....all of that and more. It wasn't loud or news worthy, my summer was sweet and soft and perfect. The gathering of my broken pieces and gentle putting back what matters and finding I was not the same but better. Truer and just better...That is what I did this summer. That is what you did for me. By enthusiastically embracing the notion of bringing back what we all are deep inside and letting summer be important and nurturing. I summered myself all summer and in doing so, I got quiet everywhere else. And I left you alone.
I threw a party and I didn't come....And for that I apologize. I am hoping you all used the energy we threw out and used it for your own type of summer. I hope that for moments you felt the peace, stillness and love that summer holds. I hope you walked barefoot and let your hair dry in the sun. I hope you spent moments with yourself and people you love, not on social media or checking your phones. I hope you ate great food and didn't judge yourself for doing so. I hope you let the sun shine on your skin and found that less is so much more. I hope you took pictures so that you can look back and remember how it felt to be a little bit more free and unbound. I hope you had a summer of good vibes that filled your heart.
So here we are in September. It is cooling down where I live just a teeny teeny bit. School is back in session and my youngest son is in the middle of his first Varsity football season. I have good things on the horizon that were cooked up during the days of Summer. I gained so much by not doing much and doing it with people I love. I am ready for Fall which for me is my magic time, I am ready for cool mornings, rain, leaves falling and yes....even a pumpkin spice latte once in a while. I am still putting pieces back in place and ready for some truth telling and writing of stories about all of that. But summer has left her gifts scattered all over my world and has lifted my spirit. I wish the very same for you all....
There it is....I thank you for jumping in with me. I thank you for your embracing of Summer Girl mindset and I thank you for your enthusiastic love for the idea of all things real and good. I thank you for opening up your thoughts and sharing your words with us. And I thank you for just believing that this idea had something worth grabbing onto. We are now the Girls of Fall carrying a bit of summer with us where we go. Stay in your magic and I love you all.
Barbara
