A few years ago I saw a picture of myself and was just taken aback by what I saw in my eyes and on my body. I saw shame, guilt, frustration, excuses, hopelessness and helplessness. I was overweight by a lot, I had such a sad vacant look on my face, even when I smiled. I was sad, broken down... so sick and tired of being sad, broken down, sick and tired. I had tried many times to walk my neighborhood, eat healthyish and do squats in my bedroom. I had failed many times and I've come to understand I didn't start with love, I started with shame. Broken spirit, messy overthinking soul, discouraged and in the deepest pitiful dark damp hole you could ever dig for yourself. I watched my kids take on fitness and eating changes, I excused it as too hard for someone of my age to do or I had so much to lose or my mild hip arthritis kept me from chasing something better. I remember the day that my daughters took me aside, gently but honestly told me I needed to do better for myself. Because they love me and wanted me around. It was that simple....and that hard. I got defensive, I may have cried and argued with myself. Eventually, I had to get super honest with myself, let my defenses and excuses go because I wanted something more and that meant I had to do something. That is when it was clear that self love was the answer to everything. I deserved more from myself. When I put down shame and started to heal myself from the inside out. I started from where I was.
A friend has asked me to share my journey and my thoughts on what I have done to become more fit and healthy. And I've wanted to do this, I love a story and some honest talk about being better for ourselves. I'm going to break this down into the tips and hints and resources I count on as well as the mindsets that have come to be my truth and my mantra. I'm NOT a professional fitness coach and do not profess to have all the answers. I am solely sharing what has worked for me and I urge you to find your own people who can guide you. This will take a few posts so please hang in while I open up and tell you my story.
1. Start where you are, Use what you have, Do Something
My guiding principal. You can always always find some way to do more than you did the day before. I did start with squats, push ups, crunches and other body weight work and I did it in my bedroom. I did it every day, I increased my sets every week. I stretched before hand and after to increase my flexibility. Every single day DO SOMETHING you haven't done the day before.. EVERY DAY. Push yourself , do hard things because you can do hard things.
2. Get rid of your shame.
Shame has no voice here, it will not serve you. I don't care how much you weigh, how much you can do or can't do. You must come to this with love and more love for your body and your spirit. You must not care how you look or check the scale daily. The numbers will lie to you. Take a starting picture, as stripped down as you can get and then put it away for later. That is no longer who you are.
3. Change your relationship with food
For me comfort type food was my medicine. If I did a good workout, I drove through McDonalds for a cheeseburger and fries as a reward. If I was sad, I got something full of sugar, if I was in a good mood, a little something was in order. This isn't what food is for, it's not for medicating emotions. It wasn't until I came to understand that good food would fuel my body for this journey. The more I was asking of my 58 year old overweight body, the more I needed to support it and feed it well. If you can do 80% healthy food, whole ingredients, mostly protein, veggies and some fruit (you need carbs for your hard work, let them be good carbs) , you are on the right path. You will find as you eat better, better food tastes so much more vibrant. Your gut will not swell from inflammation after a meal and your energy will be served by your good choices. There are tons of apps and healthy food websites. I started with the Whole 30 to just get myself in the mindset and to learn, a month of concentrating on what was going to heal and fuel me. (https://whole30.com/). By relearning how to think about food and make better choices, I have an underlying understanding of what works for me. Again, if you need to, consult a health professional on this. I have also found that ANYWHERE I go even a fast food place, there is a way to eat healthy or healthier. Find a resource that works for you. Just make those food changes, a lifestyle not a diet and do them out of respect and love for you body and well being. And this...if you want a cupcake once in a while, get a darn cupcake. Make it a good one, worth the calories. If it's a burger and fries you are dying for. Get the best burger and fries you can, enjoy it, don't guilt yourself. ENJOY THE BURGER.. But after drink water, and return to the healthy food habits you have been building. And let it go. You won't undo everything with one meal, or weekend or milkshake....Don't use food to punish or shame yourself. You will lose that battle every time.
4. Learn to enjoy the process
. You will find strength you didn't expect, you will find that this journey will change you.... Mind, Body and Spirit. But you won't see change overnight but you will feel and see it soon enough. You have to surrender and give to the process and the journey. You will have days you hate going to the gym or putting on your walking shoes but I have found that I NEVER regret a workout after I'm in it. I used to turn to comfort food and naps when I was sad, angry, hopeless or in a rough place. I now turn to a workout in some form. The Serotonin your body produces is a mood elevator and will carry you for a bit. You will come to love how that feels. Every workout builds on the one before. Change is coming, I promise you but it will be in your spirit before you see shifts in your body. Fall in love with the journey, fall in love with the way you feel, fall in love with the strength. You will gain so much more than you lose. I promise..
I have become pretty passionate about self care, health and fitness, because it feels good to feel better and stronger. Better and stronger, it's very thing I didn't know I needed. . My daughters wanted it for me and by being brave enough to tell me I wasn't doing what I needed to, they may have saved me. My emotional state is calmer, brighter and yes stronger. My body is changing inside and out. Balance, flexibility and mobility are improving. Confidence and the sparkle in my eyes returning. I have far to go, as this isn't a short term thing, this is my life and it's long road trip from here but every single day I get something amazing from the work I have done. Again, I am NOT a health or fitness professional, this is simply my story... if you need to consult a Physician or fitness professional, do that. I'm lucky to have personal resources, a son who is a Certified Personal Trainer and my other children are well versed and knowledgeable, I pick their brains and ask for help constantly. I will share other resources next time, I have other parts of the story, I'll tell you about my workouts, how skincare has changed my world, what I wear, my workout playlists, supplements, nutritional support and all the truths of this life and spirit saving path I walk with great joy. Just my story ... I hope you find your way to whatever level of health and well being you are searching for, this is a love story to yourself, don't ever forget how worth it you are. Life is meant to be lived with purpose and love... it really really does come down to wanting to be better from the inside out. Tend to yourself sweet friends...
Love wildly
Barbara
