Sunday, October 9, 2016

Speak Now

I've been tormented this down to the knot in my stomach and the tears I'm barely keeping at bay.   This is possibly the hardest  truthiesst truth I have ever spoken and this is is about being human.  And started as a text I sent to some people close to me who I trust...It is with their urging and love that I write this post. I'm terrified, my quivering hands are not easy on the keyboard as I type. I know that I may be opening a can of worms I am neither qualified to open or equipped to deal with. I'm a girl with a story and some truths and I have to speak now.

I don't know how to delicately step into this....The lastest bit of Donald Trump has hit me hard in the gut...And I'll tell you why.   Unless you have experienced the full truth of the thoughts and actions of a misogynistic, true narcissist who objectifies, defiles and disrespects women and in the process destroys everything that resembles love and respect, you cannot know the stomach turning, gut wrench reaction that the Trump recording brings to a girl like me. I have had a physical deeply emotional reaction that I cannot ignore.

I know this kind of man.  Who says it's funny, calls it locker room talk or thinks it is  something all men do....The kind of man who truly believes every woman's purpose is to be there for his own needs and wishes.  Who doesn't provide a safe place, protection or consideration to the people he claims to love.  Who truly thinks that it's okay to force kisses or grab a woman in the most personal of places.  Who thinks that it's all another joke and that we should all lighten up. Who apologizes by saying it was years ago (get over it ...)  and justifies their heinous words by saying that someone else has said and done worse.  Who doesn't really feel badly about it but is trying to get us to move on and once again accept the horrific and despicable nature of his true self without questioning his character.  I know this kind of man and once their true self is seen and heard.. that.cannot be unseen or unheard. We cannot unknow. It is despicable and horrifying. 

I know this kind of man and I promise you, under the thin façade that he still has, there is worse lurking...And for's not okay. It's not okay to force anything on anyone that doesn't want that thing. It's not okay to make jokes or belittle anyone for on the basis of sex, race, age, looks, religion or anything else. It's not okay, none of this is okay and as horrified as I am by the words coming from a candidate for the Presidency, I'm terrified by the silence or saying the other is worse for other reasons. Maybe we speak for humanity when we don't allow a victimizer to think we are afraid.  Maybe just maybe we speak now and love each other harder. Maybe just maybe we fix all this with asking for more of ourselves and each other but especially from the people who we trust to lead. Maybe we don't allow it to continue, don't justify or defend. Maybe we demand better....  Monstrous behavior speaks it's own unacceptable truth.

My loved ones have been terrified and worried about me for  years because of such thinking and actions...... and I love them for their fear even when I was hiding in denial....It is hard to understand why anyone would allow such despicable behavior and words into their lives.   It's hard to tell you why and how paralyzing this all can be. I have that same fear and worry about our country.    From my place of experience it's imperative that we don't explain it away, blame the other party, other people or politics. It's not about politics, it's about being a decent person.... it's about doing what is right, and demanding that our leaders ACT RIGHT and that we act right.  It's about expecting more and holding people to a standard of behavior and thought that at the very base doesn't allow for the victimizing or objectifying of anyone. Period.   It's about speaking up and letting our humanity be louder than our anger and frustration.   It's about showing our daughters and sons that this is not okay....It's just not.

I cannot and will not judge anyone for their politics and don't even ask my friends or loved ones who they plan to vote for.  This post is not about that....I hope you understand that. I hope that you do not rain down on me with hard words, I don't think that you will...    I've never been so afraid to hit the post button in my life but I am even more afraid to not hit the button.... I'm shaking but feel strongly that this is worth taking the chance that comes with speaking out....

Love More


  1. ❤️ Applauding your bravery, your heart, your awakening to the inescapable truth: that you are valuable, and worth so much love and respect. So many of us suffer in silence, even after realization sets in. We must support each other as we drag our dark secrets out into the light - where they lose their power. Stand strong, my friend ❤️ We are with you!

  2. Holding you close in my heart and letting you know you are not alone. You are a very strong brave soul my friend. Even though we don't know one another I feel kindered souls always connect. ❤️��

  3. I know this must have been very hard to write and I thank you. You are a brave lady.

  4. God bless you for your words and for your strength.

  5. Barbara, Yay you for being brave! I'm sorry that you have personally known a man like this. Sending you hugs and encouragement. Living your truth is hard. So is speaking it, but it is worth it, for in the doing it, you are finding your strength. One of my favorite mantras is, "I can do hard things." You have proven to be a perfect example of that!

  6. Hello Barbara, I think your post is right on and from the heart, which is a great thing and I totally agree with what your saying.
    I recently got involved in a discussion on a facebook post where the person is pro-Trump (which I'm not at all).
    When I started posting my feelings about him, I got all kinds of negative responses and didn't care because I expected it.
    I was telling all these Trump supporters what I thought and to say the least, I don't think they like me. But who cares.
    I felt better saying what I said because I said it in the lions den.
    I'm not saying anyone else should do that, but it made me feel a lot better.

    1. Bob....thank you for your comments...I said some stuff on Facebook and posted the link to this blogpost. I was terrified to speak out but was honestly so upset and affected that I felt it was important. And a friend....Facebook friend, shamed me and got very angry for comparing her candidate to someone I may have experienced. My point was that this talk is not harmless, it is full of harm and shows a character that is suspect. But speaking out has brought it's own special brand of venom ....from women especially. I'm not advocating who anyone should vote for, I'm saying, this is victimizing both in words and intent and it needs to stop. I so appreciate your comments..B

  7. As always I am in awe of your bravery and honesty. People choose who they want to vote for or against for a variety of reasons. Your reasoning is so justified and personal. I don't know how you do it but your words reach out to me with everything you post. I wish our worlds were more conducive to spending time together talking and I'm hoping that one day they are, but until then just know how truly important you are to me even if it's from afar. Thank you Barbara for this blog and for who you are. Cheryl

  8. Voting years are always very tough, & have separated family & friends from almost the very beginning of time. Never be afraid of yourself. We live in a free country, thanks to many soldiers and freedom fighters. All these people with passion! I think we gravitate toward one another, what a glorious gift we have been given! I appreciate your raw honesty and love you and your will. All we can do is believe and have faith, teach our children right from wrong and God willing our country will be lead as it should be with respect for her leader and strength. One foot in front of the other, this country was started with a fervent prayer on the wings of eagles and the backs of many horses. We'll get thru this, we just have to have faith in each other.
    ~Yours HeidiK~

  9. What comes to heart is the bravery of your SPOKEN truth.

    With Brave love,