I had Jack when I was 43, his older brother when I was 40. Way past the time a girl should get pregnant . Way after his older three siblings, way after I expected to be a new mom again. He was a beautiful surprise even though I counted the years on my fingers and knew I would be so much older than the other moms as he went through school. I remember clearly the shock I felt when I realized I would be 60 when he graduated from high school and admit I was just a teeny bit freaked out. But it felt so right and important. And then Jack showed up, he came 3 weeks early and although he was nearly 8 pounds, he looked tiny and fragile like a little bird. Jack was always easy, from the start he snuggled up and slept like he was born to fill that spot next to my neck. Quite simply, he was the last piece to my puzzle, then and now.
When he was in Kindergarten he developed quite a story about himself. He told me he was the son of an Eagle mom and she taught him to fly, then she gave him to his Cheetah mom who taught him to hunt and run fast. When she had taught him, she gave him to me for the rest of the loving and teaching. I gladly accepted the honor and with his eagle eye and cheetah speed, I tried to teach him about life but he truly taught me instead. I am anxious and worried, he is calm and easy. I find it hard to just be and tend to get a little serious and weighty, he is light and has the be still thing down to an art. He shows up and is friendly, he is loving and welcoming. He is kindness and goodness down to his core. He extends his hand to pull up the ones he tackles in football. If you ask him about anyone at school, he says they are his buddies and means it. He carries in him, an easily wounded heart that he may have gotten from me. He loved football and spent much of his off seasons working to be stronger and better. He soaked up every minute of his senior season like nothing else and I loved watching him. I loved screaming his name on Friday nights in the fall. He is strong in body and in spirit. He is funny, he loves movies of adventures, super heroes and fantasy tales. He loves space and things that take some pondering about.. He loves shows about making swords and building things and he loves animals, probably thanks to his Eagle and Cheetah moms.
What I know for sure is that his full life is ahead of him, he will in his thoughtful and earnest way figure out who he is and what he wants to do with his days and years. He is like the Earth, soft, nurturing and strong enough to grow anything or hold anyone. He is brave and he is true. And he is so full of deep human emotions and truths while at the same time he is light and so very funny. He is comfort and he can create some amazing food if there is enough cheese in the fridge. I cannot today look back with any sadness, except perhaps with wistfulness about how years fly by so very fast...it was so fun and heart healing. I so look forward to watching him soar, I look forward to our relationship in all the stages of life. I look forward to knowing him forever. He was a child of love from the start and he will continue to love and be love in all the days to come. He keeps me dancing, singing, resting and breathing when it doesn't come easy and that is everything.
Tonight I will shout his name and clap loud through my tears as I sit in that football stadium under the full moon and know that this is the start of everything glorious to come. You shine like the stars Jack Buster Wiggins and it has always been and will always be my great joy to be your human mom. let's do this...
Love Wildly,
B
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