Open Windows and a Mini Pizza

It has been a day you guys.  There was this big tumultuous thing with my sons.  The last two at home and growing faster, more independent and older by the day.  The youngest is graduating from high school in 2 months and the other is 20, working and going to the local junior college.  We are all a bit on edge this week, the ball joint in the truck my 20 year old drives went out, and if you are like me, you didn't know that the thing that holds the wheel to the axle is called the ball joint, the thing that keeps the wheel from laying on it's side like it is now. It's a catastrophic thing when it breaks and let me first say that I am beyond grateful that when it happened, he was safe when it could have easily gone a different direction. But now after taking it to 2 different repair places by tow truck because .....totally not driveable.  Both places said they could repair it for about $500 but when it got looked at they upped it to $3900.  Let me tell you straight up.  The truck is not work even half of that but things being how they are, a new truck payment is not in the cards. So the stress of that situation combined with my no job and trying to make a business take off and be profitable situation has caused me many many hours of living on the edge of losing my mind  on a daily basis.

Here is the thing, I know beyond a shadow of doubt that life has a way of unfolding and somehow things will be okay.  The looming phone bill and this repair that has my stomach in twisted knots....all of the things like this, will get handled, life will go on and it will be okay. I know that .  It's just I'm a stresser kind of girl.  So this morning what would be a minor thing turned big between my sons and I.  Hurt feelings and built up worry exploded into the kind of thing you never want to have with people you love. I felt left out and unappreciated, they felt I am over dramatic have NO CHILL.  And we all said a whole lot of things in quick bursts of loud emotional crazy unloading that could have sounded like yelling. NEVER ever a proud thing for me. Losing control and just hurling words and tears all over the place. And then it was over. Me still in tears because this stuff sucks and I hate it and them wanting it over and to move on. We all wanted that. So Hank went off on a 2 day vacation (lucky him) after many hugs and I'm sorries.  And my youngest son Jack took me to lunch.

Let me also say that 1. I don't eat or sleep well when I am stressed. AT ALL. 2.  I'm really trying to be healthy and make great food choices 3. Did I mention that I'm very low on money and not splurging on treats ( frugality is good but sometimes it's hard).  So without being judgy about the smells in his vehicle or letting any of my negative worry thoughts slip out, we went to lunch.  We tried a new pizza place that makes individual pizzas to your special order and you can watch them in the open pizza oven.  I got a super amazing veggie pizza with white sauce on a thin crust.  Jack got his favorite Pepperoni and Pineapple.  We got a big chocolate chip cookie with sea salt on the top to split and....we had root beer.  Old fashioned, not diet, root beer.    And we talked about graduation, big plans, football and girls.  No phones, nothing else beyond being at lunch and having pizza and root beer. I didn't think about the sugar in the root beer or the processed wheat in the pizza crust.  I let that cookie sit in my mouth and I enjoyed every single bit of all of it.  I let the argument and the truck repair worry slip away.  Just my boy and I having lunch. Oh how I needed this.

We drove home with his truck windows down, the weather is that perfect mix of warm but not too warm, the weather where we live hoovers there for a bit in the spring and fall and today was just such a perfect windows down day. I opened all the windows in the house when I got home, realized I was exhausted and I lay down for a nap.  The cat joined me and Jack opened his windows and lay down as well. I let the angst of the fight and the financial stuff float on out those open windows. I let myself let go for an hour feeling a little more content and appreciative. I remembered how much I trust the unfolding of things (so do it already) and how very much I needed to breathe.

I woke up and felt cleansed. Like I can gather my resources both financial and emotional back together and take on the stuff life throws my way.  My young men are learning how to be in this world, they don't mean to be inconsiderate and difficult and I certainly do not want our only interactions to be over the top and so emotionally charged. Maybe I do need to find some Chill and get used to not being turned up to freakout mode all the time. We came clean with each other, we hugged and said we loved each other and all promised to do better.   Tomorrow a friend of my husband is showing up with his car fixing tools and together they will tackle the broken ball joint.  I'll be here making and writing my way to financial success (putting it out there Universe, do your thing) and when Hank gets home on Sunday we will have my ham and scalloped potatoes like every Easter Sunday. Life stuff...good life stuff

We will be okay.  The truck will get fixed, the phone bill will get paid and life will go on.  On a day such as this it's important to remember all of that . It's good to roll the truck windows when you drive around town and go get a pizza once in a while.  The world will keep spinning.  Amen.

LOVE Wildly.

Barbara