Too Muchness

You are too emotional
You are too loud
You cry too much
You talk too much
You react too quickly
You get too sad
Get over it
You need to stop doing that
Why can't you be like everyone else
You share too much
You say too many things

and this....

YOU ARE JUST TOO MUCH (translated means... I cannot deal with you, stop being you)......

These are the things I have heard about myself for a whole bunch of my life.    Someone I love dearly once told me I was just too much and they were not sure they could take much of me.  I don't honestly know what to do with that...   But being too much...I can't help it. I can't help any of it.  I've always known I was too much, even as a younger girl, I knew it.  And I knew it was hard for people to understand.  It always felt like approval,  acceptance and even love aren't easy  for girls like me.    It's hard  when people think you are just too too too.....   

"You used to be much more.... muchier.....
You've lost your muchness"
~Alice in Wonderland

TOO  much muchness???   I've spent some time /all my life trying to understand how that could possibly be.  How can anyone be too much?     I think we should let our exuberance and too much out ALL THE TIME....I think we should share, talk, breathe, cry, feel, hug, dance , create and LOVE.....way MUCH more than not and please for goodness sake don't stop doing that thing , whatever it is that makes you so wonderfully muchy.... Stop trying to fit inside something you were never meant to fit into at all. It wasn't for you. And please, this is so important....don't chase anyone who cannot or will not love you just the way you are.  Chase your dreams; chase your truth; chase your happiness.... .but do not chase any person who isn't ready for your too much spirit or any person who doesn't want it.  They are not for you and you are not for them......  

The world needs your muchness and it needs mine.  The world needs us to push against the sides of the box we hide in until it breaks open and there we are in all our much too much glory.  Let the ones who cannot deal, well... let them be.  They have their own stuff to handle, just let your crazy brightness out and let it stay there.  Be so much even if nobody gets it.   That's got to be the real thing of it all.  Be so much... REGARDLESS.  Let muchness be your superpower.  Don't believe those who say that you are just too....

I promise that people, the right people will love you more for it.  I will love you more for it, because I too am too much.....just exactly what I was made to be.  Muchness....Please don't ever stop throwing that around. Bring your magical abundance out to the light, bring it everywhere you go.  LIVE LIKE THAT..... please, I need you in this with me. 

Here is my truth and I've been up for many nights with all of this...I've debated and campaigned for and against myself.  I almost stopped writing this blog, there have been some big gaps because I almost stopped doing many of  things I love so much including this.  Writing, Creating, Connecting....because I felt like maybe my too much was just not working and I needed to repack myself into a box; that maybe the world would take me a little more gently if I wasn't so me ....  Until on a train this weekend I remembered....My muchness, it's a gift, a good thing and I love it. I love how very  much I am and I have no intention or desire to fit into anything at all.... I just can't..... I shouldn't have to.....So I won't.   I'm not going to stop writing, I'm not going to stop talking, I won't stop sharing and I will not stop loving  in my too much way. I will make and create because that is my calling.   I will just be this much, too much and I will be way too much until I'm not.  And that is how it's supposed to be.   Unfettered........ and OH SO VERY much too much muchness.  

 I love you....Much..
B

p.s. when I ran spellcheck on this, the only word that it wanted me to change was ...you guessed it   MUCHNESS...... Underline away spellcheck, muchness is here to stay.